You Don’t Have to Fold to Be Chosen
"They called it too loud, too deep, too much—when really, it was just you being full. You don’t have to shrink to be loved. You don’t have to dim to belong."
Maybe you learned early that your voice took up too much room.
That your brilliance made others uncomfortable.
That your emotions were “too much.”
That your confidence got mistaken for arrogance.
So you made yourself smaller.
Not because you wanted to. But because, somewhere along the way, you learned staying small made people feel safer.
More in control. Less insecure.
But that was never your job.
And it still isn’t.
The Root of Playing Small
Shrinking yourself was never your true nature—it was your strategy.
When being your full self got met with silence, envy, or judgment, you started to quiet down just to stay close to people.
Maybe you were:
The gifted kid who was treated like a threat
The emotional one who made grown folks squirm
The outspoken one told to "tone it down"
The joyful one whose laughter made others glare
So you adjusted.
You dimmed.
You stopped shining so bright, thinking maybe then you'd be loved for being easy.
How That Pattern Shows Up Today
Even now, as a grown adult trying to live free, that shrinking can still haunt you.
You might:
Downplay your wins so people won’t think you’re bragging
Apologize when you didn’t do anything wrong
Hold your tongue even when you know you’re right
Swallow your joy because someone else is unhappy
Feel guilty for being visible when others fade into the background
But here's the truth:
Your joy ain’t arrogance.
Your success ain’t selfish.
Your confidence ain’t an attack.
Your full self doesn’t steal light—it spreads it.
Why You Started Shrinking in the First Place
It wasn't weakness. It was wisdom.
You knew early on that dimming yourself was the price of peace.
That being too joyful got you teased. That being smart got you isolated.
That being passionate made you a problem.
So you became "easy."
Not loud. Not bright. Not much.
But easy isn’t peace. It’s just silence dressed up.
And silence has cost you pieces of yourself.
You Are Allowed to Expand
You don’t need to explain why you shine.
You don’t need to shrink to be kind.
You don’t need to carry guilt for making it out of places others chose to stay stuck in.
You’re allowed to:
Celebrate without shrinking
Speak without apologizing
Take up emotional and physical space
Dream big and speak those dreams out loud
Be fully expressed even when people around you aren’t ready
You weren’t made to be invisible.
You were made to be radiant.
Let the Guilt Go
If someone is uncomfortable with your growth, let them adjust. Or let them go.
You can’t hold yourself back just to be digestible.
You can’t keep folding your wings to fit into rooms that were never built to hold your full wingspan.
Let guilt be replaced by grace.
Let fear be replaced by freedom.
Affirmations for Expansion
“I’m not responsible for managing other people’s discomfort.”
“My light isn’t too much—it’s mine.”
“Shrinking is not humility. It’s self-abandonment.”
“I am allowed to be fully expressed.”
“My growth doesn’t require guilt.”
Start Practicing Visibility
Try this:
Share your joy without editing it
Speak up even if your voice shakes
Show up fully, even when others pull back
Give yourself permission to be proud
Ask yourself daily: "Where am I shrinking out of habit, not truth?"
The world needs the version of you that isn’t folded.
Not the one that tiptoes. But the one that stands rooted and ready.
"They told you to be small to keep you manageable. But now? You get to take up the whole damn room. You get to breathe deep, shine loud, and walk fully in your power."
This blog is part of a deeper healing series. Stay close.
More is on the way—to support your growth, step by step
